Teenagers have a lot of problems. They mostly make the problems themselves but for me there was more behind the story. I don't tell everyone what happens in my life, or what my problems in life are...so the people I tell them too mean a lot to me. They are the ones who are my support system and get me through rough times that I probably would not be able to get out of myself. Alone.
One of the worst feelings is the feeling of being alone.
Future. People get to pick the people they want to have in their future...no doubt about that. And you can quickly wipe away people from the past and future just as quickly as you brought them into your life. But why? Because they hurt you? Because they have no meaning to you? Because if they left an impression on you they deserve to be in your life. Unless of course they abused you or anything like that. I TOTALLY understand that.
This blog is probably very confusing for everyone reading this, but for me and my day today this is how it was. Me thinking about what exactly I did wrong. What did I do wrong? Nothing. People get mad at me for speaking to people from my past. My past as in a friendly past. I can make my own decisions. No one is getting hurt here. Which goes into my next thing to add to this blog.
I am 19. Not too old or mature, but I am growing. I am learning new things each day and my mind has never been so complex before in my life. I am taking in so much information and trying to prepare my life one day at a time, trying to find new things to love and enjoy. I want to be in control of my own life. I do not need others to think that they know best for me. God gives you one life, so be the boss of YOUR life, not mine, not anyone else's. Your own. If I want to dye my hair yellow, I will dye it like the sunshine. If I want to move to Egypt....I will. I am taking these chances because its what I live for. So please, anyone who reads this, understand that I want to be the one making my decisons.
Another thing. Something I will never understand. Satan. I believe that he ruined my day today. I have never had to think about "what if " this happens....I got into a fight today that changed my outlook on life, and changed my whole reasoning for living. It was the worst thing I could ever live through to be honest. It was like a broken record, something that happened before and I never wanted it to happen again and believed it wouldn't. I thought love conquered all, but somethings just can't seem to pull through. I am tired of people just thinking of themselves. What happened to world peace, and love your neighbor before yourself? What ever happened to pinky promises and "if this is true love, itll never end" What happens when the people you love decide to turn their backs on you because they think of themself and say things to hurt you only to prove a point. I can't help but let it get to me this one final time. This was the one thing I never saw coming, I deal with a lot of BS but this wasn't one of them.
I am sorry for anyone reading this and not understanding a word that I am saying and I am sorry that I let people get to me so easily. It used to not be like that.
"Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty." Isaiah 6:5
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